


See Me

by cebw12



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Ghost Beth, Hurt/Comfort, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 18:02:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6998821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cebw12/pseuds/cebw12
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Beth's ghost visits Alison.</p>
            </blockquote>





	See Me

Beth is different as a ghost. She is self-assured. She has lost everything, and nothing. She is restless but resting, finally free from the world that wrapped around her and crushed her ribs.

And she rests.

On the edge of Alison's bed. It is pink, and she is gray. Her skin clothes, her hair. The color had not changed, but now it's duller. It doesn't have the same glow, the vitality that Beth always had, even when she was being torn apart.

The first time Alison saw her, she had taken too many pills, washed down with wine. She was too dizzy to cry.

And they talked. Beth told her about the lights. She saw lights before it was over.

She could still smile.

Tonight, it is different. It's old. Alison isn't drunk enough, and her mind is caving in on itself.

Beth is dead.

Beth isn't really here.

"Why don't you leave me alone?" It comes out of the silence, so suddenly that Beth recoils.

"I thought you wanted me here," Beth says, dull, her eyes wandering. Yes, yes, Alison wants her here. She wants Beth, not a ghost.

She wants her nerves. She wants the mask Beth puts on, that she can see right through. She wants her to pretend to be okay.

But she is okay, she's okay, nothing can hurt her now. And it's not Beth.

"Ali?"

"Please don't call me that." She chokes. She holds her face in her hands. Don't break, don't break, don't break.

She doesn't, she can't see how it feels. To lose someone, and to have them come back. It is not a happy feeling. She wants Beth, Beth with awkward cockiness, Beth with something dark underneath.

This Beth is a piece of paper. There is nothing behind her face, her eyes.

"Why me?" Alison looks at the floor through her fingers, "Why are you in my house? Why don't you go talk to Sarah?"

There is that unmistakable edge. Alison feels it, but can't dull it, not when Beth is here.

"I talk to Sarah," Beth's voice is lazy, lingering, "She didn't want me around. I don't want to be back here either, Ali. I'm here for you. Come with me."

Alison finally looks at her. There is nothing intimate about Beth. She should feel special. She would have followed Beth to the ends of the Earth before, just to hear her talk, laugh. Would she still follow her now?

"Ali," Beth says, voice flat, "do you want me here?" There is a twinge there, of something remotely real, raw, sad. Beth used to have so much sadness. But she never let it show through her eyes, never this clearly. The sadness is all that is left.

Beth watches Alison straighten up, fix her hair, take a drink of water from her bedside table. Beth waits, patiently, for her to come back to her.

"Will you lay with me?" There are tears shimmering in her eyes. She knows this can't last. She knows Beth wants something more. Beth wants her to walk, in her pink and white pajamas, off the edge of the Earth.

"You know I can't do that."

Alison's chest is screaming, that ache, she will never get rid of. It is sharper than sadness. She wants to walk. She wants Beth to take her someplace else, where she won't worry that Beth will be gone in the morning. Where maybe, Beth will build herself again from what she lost, she will smile again, she will laugh again. Her chest aches. She wants to tell her all of it.

Instead, she says, "Goodnight, Beth," and she lies on her side, eyes fixed on the wall, while Beth stays, sitting, on the edge of her bed. Her bed is pink, and Beth is gray.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense. I just love the contrast between the "ghost" Beth we saw in S4E7, and living Beth.


End file.
